I have this habit of asking lots of people for advice when I am trying to make a decision in my own life. I think this has to do with my own fear of failure, of making an irrevocable mistake that will cause my whole life to come crashing down before my eyes.
Sounds a bit dramatic, I know. But it’s true. I have an overactive imagination.
Ever since I got into the habit of speaking to people older and wiser than me for advice, getting advice before making a decision has become second nature. While it’s great to hear other people’s input, most of the time it’s not applicable to you; honest people will tell you straight out, “I’m sorry but I don’t know what to tell you,” or “I can only give you my story, but in the end you have to decide for yourself.”
Ain’t that grand. In the end, we have to make our own decisions.
This can be nerve wracking for some; I know it is for me. But it’s an inevitable reality for those who want to live successfully, we must learn to make our own decisions.
Why is it so difficult to trust our intuition when making decisions ?
This one’s easy. Laziness and fear. The two account for the majority of passive decision making. My own weakness is the fear of failure.
As a kid I played a lot of video and computer games. I was particularly into Real Time Strategy based games such as Starcraft and Warcraft. The goal was to defeat your opponents by destroying all their buildings or units. In order to accomplish this, you could either build an army greater than your opponents, out fight your opponents with superior control of your units, or you could simply choke off their ability to expand and get more resources.
The reason I mention video games is because I’ve found that in my own experience I am far more bold as a gamer than as a human being in real life; I’m guessing this is true for most people out there. As a gamer, my goal was to find the most strategic use of resources, buildings and units to outplay my opponent. I strove to succeed at every game, but occasionally I did fail, but it wasn’t the end of the world because I could always play again.
Sometimes I’d make a move only to realize that it was a poor decision; occasionally those decisions cost me the game. Watching a replay of the game afterwards I’d often kick myself for making a mistake. But after I kicked myself, I could always take note of my mistakes and apply it to the next game. There was always the promise of another chance.
Unfortunately, the real world has no reset button and there is certainly no promise of a round two. Most people realize this and that’s why few take the same risks in the real world as they do in the virtual one.
In the real world, the way people get around taking risks is by mitigating their own personal responsibility. I have been guilty of this myself on a number of occasions.
It’s Easy To Take Risks When The Stakes Are Low
Growing up with Asian parents, I was taught to obey my parents because they knew what was best for me; obedience was expected, like saying please and thank you. Since I enjoyed being difficult as a child, I often rebelled against my parents’ wishes. When the stakes were low, it was easy to do what I wanted.
The irony is that as I got older I became more of a conformist. I realized that as an adult the stakes were higher. I would no longer be protected by my parents from my own failures. If I fumbled and dropped the ball, that might be the end of the game.
Choosing a college, picking a major and deciding on what type of job to start off with are good examples of decisions which people are often thrown into without much time to consult themselves. Societal, peer and parental pressure weigh in to direct us towards a path that is respectable, safe and secure.
After a few years of this type of conditioning, we forget the sound of our own inner voice. It may be saying “Stop, don’t continue down this path,” but we may never hear it because the sound or feeling is no longer recognizable.
Listening To Your Intuition By Eliminating The Other Voices
In general, there is nothing wrong with a respectable, safe and secure path, if that path is the one dreams of going down. But how many people actually allow themselves to think whether or not the choice they are making is their own?
Even when we think we are making our own decisions, we may, in fact, not be. How many times have you made a decision only to take it back sometime later? How easily do you change your mind based on the given circumstances or situation? How often do you second question yourself?
In college, most of my decisions seemed to be abrupt and not well thought out. The problem was there were too many things on my checklist.
I was trying to accomplish too many things at the same time and these restrictions ended up clouding my judgment and prevented me from making sound decisions.
It’s easier to focus on one or two points when making a decision rather than trying to filter options out with a ten point checklist.
When looking for jobs out of college, I was trying to find work that would pay well, be interesting, allow for growth potential and also have a great work environment. Instead of looking for a decent paying day job that would allow me to pursue my real passion for writing and film, I was foolishly trying to find work that would, by my selection criteria, lead me down a career path that I had no intention of pursuing.
I often find myself complicating my life with more options and possibilities than I need. The more options I have open, the harder it is for me to concentrate on the one or two options that are really worth considering.
When there’s too many things to choose from, your intuition gets overpowered by your conscious mind. But the fortunate thing is that while the voice inside of you that resists certain choices and embraces others, never really goes away. It continues to ask questions, to cast doubt on poor decisions and steer you in the direction that is best for you.
Trusting your intuition takes not only a quieting of the heart and mind, but it also requires an elimination of options and choices that fill our lives with excess clutter. Stripping down to the bare essentials of a full spiritual life, such as passion and joy, is often enough to sustain us in all areas, including the more practical areas.
If you find your intuition telling you that something needs to go, sit down and write down a list of all the conditions and restrictions that you are putting on your life. Eliminate each one by one until you come to the bare essentials, the areas which you cannot compromise on.
Those are the bare essentials you need to live a full and successful life.
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