If you asked the average working professional whether or not they are a good communicator, chances are they will say yes. The term "good communicator" is vague enough to allow for pretty much everyone to say yes without blatantly lying.
Being a young 20 something, I’m always on the lookout for new opportunities and occasionally I’ll scan job postings to see what’s out there. So far, I’ve yet to see a job posting that has failed to list "good communication skills" as one of the job requirements.
If most job postings require good communicators, it’s no wonder why everyone thinks they are good communicators. If you got a job that requires good communication skills, you must be a good communicator right?
Well… not quite.
First off, most job posts I’ve seen make sure to emphasize the need for good written and verbal communication skills. While both are extremely important, they are by no means the only means of communication. There’s also body language and one of its subsets: facial expressions.
In my own experience, it seems that successful people, especially those that are considered "good communicators" are usually good at speaking with their body and most particularly with their faces. I’ve heard of smiling described as a person’s most lethal weapon. Though it may sound silly, I don’t think the assessment is very far off.
If you regularly watch your local morning or evening news you may not notice it, but if you watch the anchors carefully you will see that they are smiling most of the time. Usually their eyes are wide open and engaged ready to break into a smile at the slightest hint of a joke or comedic aside.
Make no mistake, smiling is a weapon.
People respond positively to smiles. That’s why most service professionals are good at smiling. Waiters, customer service reps and even salesmen have to be able to smile at will; their success depends on it. Successful politicians are usually smiling virtuosos, appearing as if a permanent smile were plastered on their face. Both Democratic Presidential candidates Barak Obama and Hilary Clinton had well trained smiles.
While smiling may not seem like a skill worth learning, if you’ve ever encountered an angry boss or a disgruntled worker, you may think otherwise.
I once worked with a person whose default face was a frown. He was labeled the “angry guy” among our colleagues and few ever approached him. The irony was that he was actually a decent guy who could laugh and have a good time like anyone else. His main problem was that:
1. He hated speaking to people.
2. He never learned how to smile at will.
What I learned from my co-worker was that in life, success has just as much to do—if not more—with your ability to communicate respect and affinity with the people in your life than it does with your work competency.
Although he worked hard and diligently, his own growth potential was limited by his inability to convince others to like him. He had many commendable qualities including: a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility as well as a never-give-up attitude. However, few were able to see these qualities because to them he was simply the “angry guy.”
Smiling is the first weapon in one’s arsenal when it comes to building positive and beneficial relationships. It welcomes people to get to know you better and discover your more important personal qualities, such as integrity and responsibility.
Like any skill, smiling, can be learned and improved with practice. Some people have naturally beautiful smiles and others’ are pleasant at best, but regardless of how nice your smile is, it is something that needs to be developed and trained until it can be unleashed at will.
My mother used to tell me that I had a nice smile and should smile more. But being the rebel that I am, I did the opposite. I have countless pictures of me frowning and pouting as a child. It wasn’t until I started college that I began to understand the value of smiling.
In college I realized that I would need to build relationships with not only my friends, but colleagues, professors and other professionals who did not necessarily know me intimately. When I started applying for scholarships, grants and later on jobs, it became clear that I would have to rely on the help of these professional relationships.
I noticed that it was easier to approach my professors after I had built a relationships based not only on mutual respect and interest, but of kindness and positivity. I made it a habit to go into office hours when I had free time and to greet them with a smile whenever I saw them in passing.
Eventually smiling became second nature and it has served me well as a counselor, a teacher, an international relations coordinator in Japan, as well as in my current job as a reporter.
Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I extend my hand and smile making sure to maintain strong eye contact. This helps to put the other person at ease and establish a quick rapport that will make the rest of the getting-to-know-you process much smoother and more enjoyable.
Although I’d like to say that I’m a smiling pro, I don’t think I am there yet. I still need a lot more practice, but at least I have gotten to the point where I can do it unconsciously in most situations.
For those of you that have smilephobia (I just made this word up) here are a few tips that I would suggest.
1. Practice your smile
I used to hate smiling in front of the camera because I wasn’t a fan of the way I looked. It took me years to get over it, but when I finally did, it made smiling much, much easier. Most people are overly critical about their looks, which usually translates into a frown or, at best, a listless facial expression.
I like that James Blunt song, “You’re beautiful,” because I think it communicates a simple truth that most people need to hear and accept. You may not look like a super model, but you can still be beautiful. Smiling helps people to see that beauty.
The best way to practice your smile is to do it in front of a mirror. I used to do this in the bathroom until I felt comfortable smiling in front of a camera. It took me years to come up with a decent looking smile at will, but it’s worth it. After you learn how to smile, people will say, “Wow you’ve got a nice smile,” and you can feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
2. When smiling, keep your eyes wide open
Smiling is not just about the mouth, it’s about the entire face, especially the eyes. I’ve always found the most attractive people are the ones who can stop your breath just by glancing in your direction. Their eyes seem to have that gravitational pull that just attracts you. When you smile make sure that you keep your eyes open; it helps to communicate a lighter, happier mood which translates into a stronger, more impactful smile.
Practice opening your eyes and mouth wide until you find the right balance. It’ll take some time, so don’t sweat it if you haven’t nailed it by your tenth attempt.
3. Think happy thoughts
Smiling isn’t always about laughing, or feeling good. It’s a muscle that needs to be trained and disciplined if it is to become a weapon. Even if you’re feeling moody, depressed or generally dismal, conjuring up a happy thought can do wonders for your smile. Think about a pretty person that you like or about your best friend or family member to help create the conditions for a more natural smile.
Happy thoughts translate into a happy mood which is more conducive to smiling. If you hold those happy thoughts long enough sometimes you can even turn your mood around for good.
Being a good communicator is more than just being a good speaker and writer, it is also about knowing how to present your best face to people. We live in an ever shrinking world that is becoming more and more influenced by the powers of branding and marketing. Think of smiling as just another way of branding you.
When you smile it says, “I’m a nice a pleasant person and if you get to know me you probably will like me.”
I know it’s hard, but practice smiling, you won’t regret it.
And if that’s not compelling enough, just think to yourself, “Do you really want to risk being known as the ‘angry guy’?”
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